There was the day that I thought I was lost. There was the day that I never thought I would make it through. I went out in search for the perfect girl. It was a search for love. A search for happiness. A search for my future. On May 19th of the year of 2002, a young girl came to me with the spirit of kindness and also an enthusiasm of something I've never experienced before. She wanted to get to know me. So long it's been since anyone has wanted to truly "know" me. My heart cried for joy, as we both fell in love with each other those long 11 months that seemed like only a lightspeed of seconds. It seems like yesterday I asked this beautiful, smart, and charming girl....to be by my side. Though our time together was limited and we never truly touched each others hand...or face....we touched each other's hearts and it kept us going. It kept us going through our hard times of pain and distrust. Though we couldnt see each other cry...or smile...we knew it in our hearts that we loved each other, cried for each other, and longed for each other. People say that Internet relationships are a fantasy world and it's stupid because you are relating to one another through a machine. YES! We are relating to one another through a machine. But we ARE relating arent we?! We are expressing our true love to one another! If there wasn't love, there would be nothing. If it wasn't for these "damn machines," there would be nothing. If it wasn't for us...there would be nothing. It takes two people to make a relationship work. It takes a person to make a computer work. These arent computers making the love happen...it's the people using them. This is reality. We are using machines to communicate. But if one looks past the electronics...you see two people...that love one another...that like each other...that are attracted in so many ways to each other. When a girl comes to a guy...with her heart beating fast...and the sparkle in her eyes...it doesn't matter how far she is from that awesome looking' guy...it's the feeling that counts. This is reality...this is love....we can all see that can we?! My eyes are blinded by a screen to the one I love. But the words that come from her to my screen let my heart see her. If my heart knows....then take off my blindfold baby cause I can see again!
Nichole.....Angel....I write to you this night after missing you so badly. The tears running down my face while I type this letter is proof that I miss you and I love you so God damn much I'll do anything to keep you. I am putting all my heart into this letter tonight I can't even see straight. I just got a reminder in my inbox today...April 19th...that it's our 11 month anniversary for being together...but all I can say now is...I've known you for 11 months...not...I've been yours for 11 months. It feels weird walking down the halls of my school knowing that everyone knows I'm single now. Everyone watching me with eagle eyes wondering who he's going for next. It's weird knowing I have to put on some kinda act on because people judge me for what I look like at school and not the person I am instead. When I dated you baby....you took me into your heart for the person you knew by my words. Not for my grades...not for the rumors...not for being picked on all my life...not because I had different beliefs in God...not for being a virgin...no...you took me in and loved me for who I am. I have never had that experience before in my life. I have waited all my life for someone to do that to me and holy crap she's I dunno how far away. But if there really is true love between us I know that you and I can make it. I know that we can live in a big-ass house together and have a wonderful family. All those warm summer nights as well as cold winter nights we used to talk....just talking about the life we could have together...I don't wanna let that be a waste of my time because it never will be. I love you so damn much I'll do anything to keep you. Back to the MSN reminder of us being together...it said "Scott this is your baby girl and do everything to keep her man. Good luck!" I remember typing that 11 months ago the night I asked you to be my girlfriend. My eyes are blind little Angel...but my heart is not. I know what my heart wants and it really wants you. I don't want some chick from the movies that wants play every 5 minutes from me. I don't want a chick that I met from the mall. I want the chick that asks me if "I'm for serious?!" I want the chick that calls me "Mr. Sexyful" when I say hello to her when she arrives. I want the chick that scares the hell outta me when she says she wants to have 19 kids with me. I want the chick that tells me "No it so does not!" when I make fun of her head moving when she talks. I want the bouncy little blonde with blue eyes and a great smile that's gonna make me wear PJ's at night instead of sleeping like a bum in my normal clothes. I want the girl that wants to make love to me because she loves me and not because she thinks I'm hott. I want that preppy little girl that won't tell me what she does in the shower. I want the chick that asks me how my day was when I get home from school. I want the chick that stands like a weirdo in her championship picture smiling so bright because she's the best at gymnastics in her state. I want the chick that the newspapers call the "Golden Girl." The reason the newspapers call you the golden girl is because you are my Angel and they see the halo over your head. They also know what a great girl you are inside just like I do. My tears are streaming right now because I do NOT wanna loose all the good memories I have had with you baby. A bad boyfriend would take all of those memories and brush 'em off like nothing happened and act like he didn't care at all. But I'm not that bad boyfriend. I'm the boy that walk's down the halls of his high school with his best friends Kenny and Amy by his side smiling because he has the perfect Angel up above that fell from the sky into his heart. It takes 4 quarters to complete one. And without your 25% of my heart...I am broken. I may not seem like it on the outside...but inside I'm a car wreck waiting to happen if not already on the inside. That's why I need you little Angel, I really need you. I understand that we have said a bunch of nasty things to each other and I know that we can really piss each other off at times. But normal couples do have an argument from time to time about something don't they? So we must be a normal couple. We almost never fought. If I remember...we've only had 2 REAL fights between each other. One was about religion...the 2nd was about you being with Nate. If you can place your finger on any others that amounted to that anger level please correct me.
Nichole I know you cry about me at night. I cry about you too. I miss you so much and I feel empty without you. My friend Kenny and I sat at the same exact spot in Southpointe Mall...in the food court section...where I wrote all your poems and letters. And I said to him...yo this is where I write all my stuff for Nichole. It's great for thinking and he agreed totally with me. Yes..I would proof them out on paper...those really long emails...then I' type them again which gave me the chance to add things and make them better than they were at first. I still remember opening my folder...scattered papers...of your poems and drafts of emails...and they all fell out on the floor in front of me. And I wasn't at that spot...I was in line waiting for my dinner that cold night of December. And an old man bent down to help me pick them all up and he read one briefly and he said to me..."well son looks like you really love someone." And I said yes sir I really do. And he said back to me...well make sure you do everything to keep her by your side....cuz you know...there's nothing better than true love in your life. And I said thank you sir I shall remember that and he chuckled and said that's a good boy. And I laughed back. You see even other people notice how strong a love a I have for you. I used to sit by the big glass window at night and write all those letters to you...and those poems as well. I still remember the night I was there and I had all my snowboard stuff on because it was like 3 inches of snow out. I had just finished up that email about the moon and stars and how I wanted to touch them with you (if you remember that one). I got up and pulled the rip cords forward on my jacket to make it tighter and I thought for a moment while I stood up and looked out that window...."Where would I be without her?" My life seems like it has been crumbling inside without you and I need you back. I know that inside your heart you love me and that you want me back. Forget all the nasty things we've said to each other. That's the past...it's over...it's done with. I don't understand why you keep focusing on that. My parents have said nasty things to each other. Yes I know they divorced...but that was long before that even happened. I know we can work. We just have to put more effort into it. You need to start calling me. We need to see each other. We need to mail each other. We need to be together again. Ask yourself this question. Have you found any guy like me out there that's totally like me? You even told me I was the first guy you fell in love with. Maybe that's telling you something. Maybe I really am the one for you but it seems a bit foggy at the moment. True love isnt based on physical contact, it is based on the heart. Please Nichole.take me back.